2003-06-19 - 6:44 p.m.
There’s a coup d’etat developing at this burning resort. We discovered the housekeepers are secretly attempting to genetically modify the guests by overstarching our sheets. The concierge has a terrible allergic reaction to human skin and has sent his rolling cart army out to hypoallergenicize us. All of this while the flames from the forged Jesus box bonfire encroach closer. The guests have all wrapped themselves tightly in their terrycloth robes and are storming the front desk. The staff is throwing frequent flyer vouchers at us, but its just a bit too little, too late.
