2003-02-06 - 2:39 a.m.
So its confirmed. I went to my dermatologist and she told me I have H.I.R. (Human Interaction Retardant) seeping out of my pores. I knew something was wrong when a one of my coworkers ran up to my feet, dropped a measuring tape, ran away with it and yelled, "nine feet seven inches" to the rest of the office. It all made sense when my doctor told me a few of the effects HIR has on people. When a HIR emitter contacts someone via the internet, the fumes travel through their cables and are released from their modem. When the vapors are inhaled, the contacteds’ finger muscles twitch until the mouse clicks the computer off. When someone comes in direct contact with HIR, the effect on the muscles is much more severe. The infected person’s arm muscles clamp onto the HIR emitter’s hand and shoves the emiiter’s fingers down the infected’s pants. The muscles then release and the individuals involved are forced to live through the unexpected and unusually close proximity between the emmitter’s touchers and the infected’s rarely-toucheds.
